No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
