Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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