My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
