Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We left the knife in your bed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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