Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize