my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
