is your mom at the bar?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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