Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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