I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
