You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
