So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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