my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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