I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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