Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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