so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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