I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
