Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
