Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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