I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
