My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
