By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize