I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it glows. i had to have it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Mom said you looked used
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
