i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
