I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
