hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize