WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
