zippers are such a cool invention
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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