i was rollin on her like bob the builder
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
