Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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