Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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