The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
