have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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