what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
