If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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