you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
