Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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