I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
