Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
