I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
