I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need moral support for this bender
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
