I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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