I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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