Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
