Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
