wrigley field is MILF paradise
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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