Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
