p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
