So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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