I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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