I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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