It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
