My brain says no but my pants say off.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
