just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You are a genius and a whore.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
