kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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