i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
