ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
