My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
