Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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