My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
