iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
