me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
