the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
