I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
