We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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