So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
