My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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