If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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