I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
love makes seman taste better
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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