Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
