The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
