I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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