It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
