Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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