and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
