So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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