I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize