Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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