So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
