If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize