If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
