I accidentally had phone sex last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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