We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize