I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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