Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
